Haiti

We've all heard about it--seen all the headlines. The Haiti earthquake disaster. At least 50,000 people dead Many are more are injured, many are homeless, and all are effected. But I read a cool little blurb...

 "During the days following the the earthquake, hundreds of women were seen marching through the streets in peaceful processions, singing and clapping. On Sunday, 17 January, Haitians roamed the streets looking for church services to attend. Impromptu gatherings were held outside churches that had collapsed with a few attendees appearing in their best clothes."

It's easy (for me at least) to think that this doesn't effect me since after all, it didn't happen in the US or directly effect anyone I know. But can you even imagine how the people that were directly effected feel? People are STILL dying from being trapped under rubble and buildings. These are God's children, and it's selfish and sinful for us not to be concerned.

Pray hard my friends!

Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

I am reading a book what I got for Christmas--The Heavenly Octave by F.W. Boreham. It is a study of the Beatitudes, and he has some excellent thoughts. Last night I read what he had to say about "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted".

He said he knew of three different ways to take it. The first is to go to a happy young soul who is joyous and praising God and say with a wagging finger, "blessed are those who mourn, young lady!" It would seem quite confusing and foreign.
Another way is to go to some bitter person whose family is all gone and who's been in prison being tortured their whole life. If you say, "blessed are those who mourn" to them, it will seem to be almost belittling or mocking their situation.
Boreham says that those who Jesus says are blessed are those who have know both joy and loss--when the calm has come afterward. "The eyes, cleansed by weeping, have obtained a clearer vision of life's profound mystery and beneficent discipline. The subject of this third picture knows the secret of the mourner's blessedness."

I thought THAT there was an excellent way to put it.

Random ramblings to make me feel better that probably nobody will read and that's a good thing :)

The truck is here - we're really leaving. We've got awesome family here helping out with the crazy truck situation. I don't see why it has to be so complicated!

But on to the fact of the matter - today was the last time I'll have walked n and out of the doors of our church until the time in the future that God has designed. I've said goodbye to many these past few days - really good friends - not knowing when I'd see them again, but I couldn't cry. I felt deeply - my stomach would hurt and my mouth would get dry and I'd wish I could cry to maybe make me feel a little better, but I couldn't. But this morning all through service I cried off and on and the end was the worst: saying goodbye!

I bawled.

Hugs all around and goodbyes and everything I really don't enjoy. I still can't believe it's over - all these people that have been friends, mentors, people I can just ramble to, people that will pray for me, people to laugh with, cry with, be aggravated with, learn with, completely lose yourself praising God with, and have basically been a family to me...all this in a little over a year...and it's all over. I was a complete mess to say the least. When I got home I bawled like I hadn't in years - didn't know I could still do it like that.

I still don't know what God's up to, but I guess it makes sense to believe that he does not have plans to harm me - in fact, quite the opposite. Whyever he brought us this far only to take us back I don't know, but I'd be satisfied if it was only to let us be a part of AHBC for a short time.

Now my big question is, what's next? God, you've led us into and out of the best kind of family I can imagine. Now what could be better? I know there is something, cuz You are planning only the best specially for me.

Guess that's worth being excited about.

But right now it's rrrreeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyy hard.

I love you Alameda Hills!

Why am I depressed?

Yesterday marked a week in which I have been depressed. A strange thing for the happy-go-lucky, think the best of people, always in the middle of it character we all know and love... why is everyone rolling their eyes?

Anyway, I can't figure out why - this has been a week with a lot of highs! Went to a comedy show, my brother played on the Rapids field, I got to high-five every single Real Salt Lake and Rapids player, I'm working all week which is good cuz I need the money for fencing and some stuff I owe to various places, I basically just got my hair cut, and I even like all the Colts draft picks! Usually the euphoria from all these things would drag out a little. And I'm not depressed ALL the time, which gets confusing. I'm focused when I babysit so I'm usually ok there, and I'm having a good time with my bros and that's happy, and all that. But I default back to depressed!

Maybe it's just the lows - the depression kicked off last week when I started getting the feeling that God was mad at me because I was doing something wrong when approaching Him. Even when I was reading the Bible, or praying there was this little whisper that I wasn't good enough for God to still love me, or that He wasn't listening to me because He was mad about something I did. I couldn't find any Biblical evidence that this was true, so I came to the conclusion that it was all a trick from the devil that I fell for. Mean I think, that he'd trick me into skittering away from God making me think He was angry at me. Now I'm coming back, but the space that got shoved between is a little awkward. I mean, why wouldn't God be mad at me? Lord knows I do all kinds of stuff to deserve it! I guess I just can't grasp how God's love is unconditional... all of a sudden. I know that's silly and that Jesus bridged the gap, but having to cross back over after getting tricked that the bridge wasn't there kinda gets me down, since I didn't have to be there in the first place. Ok, that made no sense I'm certain. I thought of a song today that describes me right now. I hadn't heard it in forever and could barely remember the words, so I looked them up.

Your Love Never Changes - Paul Wright

I'm tired of falling on my face Lord

Get up tell myself (oh oh oh oh)

I'm tired of singing the same songs

Na na na na (ha! oh oh oh oh)

I'm so high I'm so low

I'm so hot I'm so cold

I'm so young but I'm feeling so old

I'm at peace I'm at war

I want less I want more

I want it all but I don¹t know what it's for

And all that I am is all that you see

When nobody is looking at me

I fall to my knees you're calling my name

And you love me just the same - Whoa!

Because your love never changes - No

Yea you love me just the same - Whoa!

Cuz your love never changes - No

I'm back on the right track again

I'm back hanging with the right friends

I'm back on my feet again

Kicking back ha just laughing

I'm so high I'm so low

I'm so hot I'm so cold

I'm so young but I'm feeling so old

I'm at peace I'm at war

I want less I want more

I want it all but I don't know what it's for

Yea you love me just the same

Yesterday today tomorrow everyday

Yea you love me just the same

Yesterday today tomorrow everyday

Yup. That's about right. But now that I'm back still doesn't fix my mood for some reason *sigh*. I'd be nice if I could figure out what the problem is.

What Is Life All About?

The Google search, "What is life all about" has gotten quite a few hits. The very top result is users.aristotle.net, which explains thus:

"You cannot be classified as useless, because you aren't really supposed to have to make yourself useful. Look at the natural world. What is the use of a tree? Well, it has many uses, but it isn't TRYING to be useful. There's the difference. It's just doing what it wants (or so we assume) and in the process of doing that it does its job in the natural order of things. Despite all the rantings of moralists, you are in the same boat. The only way you are ever going to do an ounce of good in the world is to do what you want. Do what makes you happy, or at least what distracts you from your misery.
How, you may ask, does doing what you like do any good? Look around you. Look at people who seem to be trying very hard to be useful. Are they really doing good things for people? Or do they make everyone around them miserable with all their moral uppidyness and incessant busy bodying? I suspect it is the latter. The people who really do others some good are the people who are doing what they like and who aren't very interested in being useful. They are usually interesting to be around, because they are doing things that interest them. They are often fun to be around, because they appreciate fun and know how to laugh and not take anything too seriously. They inspire other people to figure out what it is that they want to do by example, thus causing more people to be interested in life and interesting to be around, fun loving, etc.
Out of all the people we meet in life, these people who are doing their own thing are the people who have the most profoundly positive impact on us and thus make our lives richer in the most fundamental, meaningful way. Can you really call that useless? Sure, working in a soup kitchen will feed people, but if you're being a martyr about it because you don't really want to be there, everyone around you will see right through you and hate you for being moralistic and insincere, and you will end up doing more harm than good. So, revel in your perfect uselessness. It's the useful thing to do."

There are other explanations of equal feeble-mindedness and absurdity for different reasons you may be asking why you exist. They all bash "the moral enthusiasts", God, and anyone that is trying to do something with their life. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen! Does this explanation of what your life is not disappoint you? Don't you want to have a purpose? Don't you want to know the TRUTH?

Have I got good news for you! You are NOT useless! Or worthless.

If you're wondering about the meaning of life, read the book of Ecclesiastes. If you think life is meaningless, you will find that many elements of life are. Wisdom, pleasures, toils, advancement. Some of these things ARE life to many people. If you live for them, your life is meaningless. But in the last two verses of Ecclesiastes, Solomon states the conclusion of the matter, the meaning of life.

"Fear God and keep his commandments,

for this is the whole duty of man.

For God will bring every deed into judgement,

including every hidden thing,

whether it is good or evil."

That is the duty of man. Fear God and keep his commandments! Trust and obey! It's not, "do what makes you happy" because pleasure is meaningless as well. You will only find fulfillment if you carry out God's plan for your life. He's excited about it! You can be useful to God of all things! Are you ready to find life and find it more abundantly? Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. And you are not worthless - to God you are a precious, special gem. There is so much more the Bible has to say to you - why don't you give it a shot?

Job 19-20

Job is in the middle of his sufferings, and his friends are telling him all the things he's probably done wrong. Job says,

"Have pity on me, my friends, have pity,

for the hand of God has struck me.

Why do you pursue me as God does?

Will you never get enough of my flesh?

I know that my Redeemer lives,

and that in the end he will stand upon the earth."

I love that last verse!!!! In the end, he will stand upon the earth... could he mean Jesus? This is arguably the oldest book in the Bible... could they have known this already?

I've kept singing this song since I read this...

Follow the Voice

Christian is in captivity. His tormentors - evil nasty creatures by the names of Doubt, Disappointment, Fear, Despair, Unforgiveness, and Hurt guard him at all times. They beat him, scar him, bring him down, never give him a chance to escape their clutches. He is in a cold, dark, iron prison cell. And he is blind - he cannot see his captors or his cell, but he can feel them. The cold stone engulfs him and the forbidding iron bars drive all hope from his heart. Day and night he sits in his distress, not knowing a way out. When things are at it's darkest, he hears a still small voice. He strains his ears - who was that? It is familiar: a voice he used to know very well, back before the hard times that drove him here, back when he could see. It calls him by name. Christian rises. He can see a Light! The voice calls, "I am your God. Follow me". He uncertainly takes a step forward. He puts a hand toward the Light, but touches the bars of the locked door. Despair and Fear jump in front of him and shove him back away from the door. Christian turns away from the Light and says, "see? The doors are shut, I can't get out."

The voice is persistent, "I have unlocked the door. You've only to throw it aside and follow me" Christian raises his brows. He puts a tentative hand on the bars. Doubt growls a warning and Christian flinches. He pushes on the door just a little, and Doubt charges him and throws him back again. Disappointment nods and pokes his memory with little reminders of past times when he escaped, only to be let down by the Light and captured again. The Father is still speaking. "Come! Walk with me!" This time Christian runs to the doors. Before he can even get to them, Unforgiveness and Hurt catch him. Fear tackles him. Disappointment pricks him. Doubt gnaws at him and Despair laughs at him. Christian calls to the Light, "I cannot get past these tormentors! Help me defeat them!" The Light shines brighter and the scourgers shriek and fall back. Christian leaps up and throws the door open, running to the Father.

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron. ~ Psalm 107:13-16

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." ~ Matthew 7:7

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners ~ Isaiah 61:1

Jesus Suffered - so WHAT?

Queer title? We know that God sent his only son Jesus to earth; He suffered and died for our sin, and rose again. Christians know that God made this sacrifice because He loved us and wanted us to be with Him.

But some may look at that sacrifice and think, “how is that any worse than the things we go through today?”

You may know someone who has died of cancer in horrible pain and their family is devastated. There is a place I go to check up on kids with cancer in Arkansas Children's Hospital on the internet. There is a list of children on the page that have died of the monster. Many of the kids I had come to virtually know passed unexpectedly, and whenever I see that list of familiar names all I can think is, "WHY?"

Your own brother may have taken his life for reasons you don't understand, and you know that you will never see him again in this life on earth.

I know you've walked through Wal-Mart and seen those "Have you seen me?" charts of an abducted child who has been stolen away and ten years later, nobody knows what happened.

So with all this pain and suffering in the world, for God to send His only Son to die... only to be raised again just three days later... does not seem to measure up to all the hurt we endure today. It may just not seem like enough to you.

What do we know of Jesus? "Well, let’s see... He healed people, He taught people, He worked miracles, He had twelve disciples, He was God's Son... what else?" The most important thing about him is that He was without sin. He had never ever sinned in His whole life. Let's talk about inner pain. The kind that sin causes. The kind that happens when you know you've done something wrong and it preys on your mind all the time. Put yourself in Cain's shoes for a minute. When he killed his brother, it was probably the first time he'd ever seen a dead person, and knowing he had done that awful thing probably gave him nightmares for the rest of his life. Would you want to live with that? Maybe you've stolen something of little consequence and then you realized the guilty conscience you got wasn't worth the four dollars you still have in your pocket. Do you like living with that? It's hard to admit what you did and apologize for something like that, and knowing that you should do it and can't bear to only makes the guilty feeling worse. Imagine how you'd feel if you robbed a jewelry store! Some people have. Imagine if, in spite of your guilt, you kept on stealing and lying and getting away with it, feeling worse and worse and not knowing what to do about it. Not a good feeling. What do you do? We've all done something that's preyed on our conscience and it feels terrible. Where am I going with this?

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:21 Christ had no sin. We talked about that. No guilty feelings, no pain that sin caused.

In those days people would sacrifice these perfect little lambs who hadn't done anything wrong every day in order for God to forgive them of their sin. Innocent blood is the only way to get God's forgiveness. But it wasn't enough. Too much sin, too little lamb. Every time you sinned, God's judgment was upon you. God didn’t want things to be this way. He knew there was a way - a greater sacrifice that could be sacrificed – that would enable Him to forgive us our sin. So He sent His own perfect Lamb, and instead of just sacrificing Him for our sin, the sacrifice became sin. Jesus didn't just "wear" the sins that had already been committed - He became sin. He was sin. All the sin that had been and EVER will be committed! Something disgusting for God to look at. Can you imagine having every sin there will ever be on this earth on your shoulders? Can you imagine everything being all your fault? You know the bad feeling of "a little" sin - can you imagine all the sin ever? Jesus had never even had the sin of putting gum in a classmate's hair, so this was all horrifically new. THAT was the sacrifice. The ultimate perfect lamb has enabled God to forgive all the sins you will ever commit. It wasn't how He suffered, necessarily, though the cross makes it more special. The cross is not the cup He prayed to be taken away in the garden. It was becoming sin. It was having God too repulsed to look at His own son.