Lately I've been in a poetry swing...

It's actually kinda cool. I'm not sure why this is, but poetry is sometimes a really cool and artistic way of getting a point across to the LORD. I'm not the only one--it worked for David! So anyway, last night I was working on this one, with currently no title...

Lord, you are my defender

From each and every foe.

You've defeated every enemy

That sought to wreak me woe.

But now I see a new tempter,

Her like I'vve never known.

The frightening thing is that her face

Looks just like my own.

True, she has poked at me before,

but she'd been easy to shelf.

She now, somehow, has horrid power--

This version of myself.

She makes me think of awful things,

She dirties me inside.

She makes my hands displease me Lord.

It's her I can't abide.

But my God is bigger than even this monster

And He keeps me in His sight.

I will not be held captive here,

He'll save me by His might.

Lord, set a watch over my tongue,

Allow no ill to exit.

Please stop my deeds from hurting those

Who can't and don't deserve it.

But most of all, please guard my heart,

And keep it as pure as the sea.

Suffer no evil to enter it--

Please save me Lord, from me.

So ladies and gentlemen, I am proof--even if you are no good at poetry, the Lord doesn't mind. I think he likes to hear it. Nobody take this one or anything, though it's probably not good enough for anyone to WANT to take... :)

Going to see a movie today with my dear sista and maybe some friends! :D

"It's still that simple"

Yesterday I watched a Love Comes Softly movie and a girl was whining about everything being complicated and her grandma said something like, "Don't you wish it was just like when you were a child--you could pray to God and then leave it, fully trusting in him?"

"Yes!"

"It's still that simple."

Well of course it is! You know what really confuses me? I can NOT figure out why I ALWAYS forget that I can leave a matter to the LORD and not have to worry about it anymore or try to fix it! Besides just the forgetting part, you'd think I'd remember because my own ways of trying to fix things or make them better just don't work. I have a God who will take care of things while I just be still and trust him--and I forget?

1 John 5:14-15 ~ "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

I am reading a book what I got for Christmas--The Heavenly Octave by F.W. Boreham. It is a study of the Beatitudes, and he has some excellent thoughts. Last night I read what he had to say about "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted".

He said he knew of three different ways to take it. The first is to go to a happy young soul who is joyous and praising God and say with a wagging finger, "blessed are those who mourn, young lady!" It would seem quite confusing and foreign.
Another way is to go to some bitter person whose family is all gone and who's been in prison being tortured their whole life. If you say, "blessed are those who mourn" to them, it will seem to be almost belittling or mocking their situation.
Boreham says that those who Jesus says are blessed are those who have know both joy and loss--when the calm has come afterward. "The eyes, cleansed by weeping, have obtained a clearer vision of life's profound mystery and beneficent discipline. The subject of this third picture knows the secret of the mourner's blessedness."

I thought THAT there was an excellent way to put it.

Neither

Remember when Joshua and the Israelites were FINALLY getting to go into the promised land? They'd crossed through the Jordan river on dry land, eaten some of the fruit of the land, and are getting pretty excited. But the bad guys that they were scared of in the first place are still out there. They need to be defeated. So on this particular day, Joshua was standing near Jericho. It was the first place to go. I'm sure he was kinda counting fighting men in his mind, thinking up tentative schemes on how to get over those walls and defeat those people. But then he looks up and sees a man with a drawn sword in front of him. Had to be a wee bit disturbing. He asked the man, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"

Listen to what the answer was! "Neither, but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come."

Now we all know that the man proceeded to give directions about how to march around Jericho and the walls would fall down, etc. But what really grabbed me this time was that the man said, "Neither". He said he wasn't on the side of Joshua, or of Jericho! It seems he would say, "your side", especially when he was there just to give specific directions on how to defeat Jericho. Anybody agree?

And now here is my thinking. My simple guess is that Joshua NEVER thought, "Hey, hows about we march around these walls blowing trumpets for seven days these certain number of times, and the walls will fall down and we win!" My guess is that he was shopping around for grappling hooks or big ladders or bombs or whatever would come in handy. He was making his own plan. But whatever he was thinking, it is safe to assume that his plan was NOT what God's plan was. So God was basically saying, "I'm not for your plan, or their plan--check out MY plan for YOU!"

These are just my thoughts of the last 20 hours or so. Don't know if I communicated them to make any sense or not.

But God's plan always prevails. Bring it LORD! Not my plan, but yours be done!

LORD, I'm your servant

Father, you are the Sovereign LORD,

and I am dust upon the floor.

Your power and purity brightens my life,

though I often block it out and and ignore your wondrous light.

No more, my Jesus. Drive it far from me.

You are the Master--the writer of my story,

but as a simple human girl, I cannot see the glory.

I do not know what you have planned.

Reveal it, O LORD, though I may not understand.

For to obey my God is by far my greatest wish,

and everything you want is what I must accomplish.

I will not lean on my understanding

for even I do not trust in my own speculating.

But I know, my Jesus, that you have an idea.

Let me in on the action--please make your scheme clear.

Whatever you say is what I will do.

My story will be the one written by You.

God is Just

Look what I unexpectedly ran into in Ezekiel today! It was a bit surprising because it was in the middle of all the curses of the ungodly places, but I love how God puts in little (or big) blurbs of hope when all hope seems to be lost.

"Son of man, say to the house of Israel, 'This is what you are saying: "Our offenses and sins weigh us down, and we are wasting away because of them. How then can we live?" ' Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?'

"Therefore, son of man, say to your countrymen, 'The righteousness of the righteous man will not save him when he disobeys, and the wickedness of the wicked man will not cause him to fall when he turns from it. The righteous man, if he sins, will not be allowed to live because of his former righteousness.' If I tell the righteous man that he will surely live, but then he trusts in his righteousness and does evil, none of the righteous things he has done will be remembered; he will die for the evil he has done. And if I say to the wicked man, 'You will surely die,' but he then turns away from his sin and does what is just and right - if he gives back what he took in pledge for a loan, returns what he has stolen, follows the decrees that give life, and does no evil, he will surely live; he will not die."

~ Ezekiel 33:10-15

This passage, to me, seems to be the very epitome of justice. Sometimes God is only even brought into the picture of people's lives when something happens that strikes them as "unfair". When something good happens it's, "Wow I got a raise! I do deserve it, I've been working at this job forever, I'm awesome, I I I I." But when something bad happens, all of a sudden God is responsible for everything that's ever happened. "Why do I have to have cancer, I'm a good person, this is so unfair!" This passage alone proves that God's mind does not work unfairly.

It's not His nature.

Random ramblings to make me feel better that probably nobody will read and that's a good thing :)

The truck is here - we're really leaving. We've got awesome family here helping out with the crazy truck situation. I don't see why it has to be so complicated!

But on to the fact of the matter - today was the last time I'll have walked n and out of the doors of our church until the time in the future that God has designed. I've said goodbye to many these past few days - really good friends - not knowing when I'd see them again, but I couldn't cry. I felt deeply - my stomach would hurt and my mouth would get dry and I'd wish I could cry to maybe make me feel a little better, but I couldn't. But this morning all through service I cried off and on and the end was the worst: saying goodbye!

I bawled.

Hugs all around and goodbyes and everything I really don't enjoy. I still can't believe it's over - all these people that have been friends, mentors, people I can just ramble to, people that will pray for me, people to laugh with, cry with, be aggravated with, learn with, completely lose yourself praising God with, and have basically been a family to me...all this in a little over a year...and it's all over. I was a complete mess to say the least. When I got home I bawled like I hadn't in years - didn't know I could still do it like that.

I still don't know what God's up to, but I guess it makes sense to believe that he does not have plans to harm me - in fact, quite the opposite. Whyever he brought us this far only to take us back I don't know, but I'd be satisfied if it was only to let us be a part of AHBC for a short time.

Now my big question is, what's next? God, you've led us into and out of the best kind of family I can imagine. Now what could be better? I know there is something, cuz You are planning only the best specially for me.

Guess that's worth being excited about.

But right now it's rrrreeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyy hard.

I love you Alameda Hills!

Dry Bones

In Ezekiel 37, God led Ezekiel to a valley of dry human bones. They'd been there a long time, but God asked Ezekiel, "Son of man, can these bones live?"

He replied, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."

God then told him to prophecy to the bones and say, "'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD."

Ezekiel did so and it says there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. Tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. They were now bodies instead of bones, but still dead things.

Then God said, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " So Ezekiel prophesied, and breath came into the bodies. They came to life and stood up on their feet. And they weren't just random people - they were a vast army!

Now what was the point of this somewhat creepy event? God afterward said to Ezekiel, "These bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.' Therefore prophesy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them... Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live... Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.' "

How often do you feel like a pile of dry bones? Your hope is long gone and you're just lying there, figuring that God's done with you. You're in the grave of your own making. God says he will bring you out from your grave and put his Spirit in you - then you cannot fail. He can bring you to life again and you will be a warrior!

What's Going On?

I was talking to a dear friend the other day and we were both venting our frustrations about one thing - relationships. We were disappointed in the way some of the girls we knew were behaving with the opposite sex. They started out saying they would never hold hands with a guy before engagement, marriage, etc. As soon as they got into a relationship, holding hands was no big deal. Ok, so maybe holding hands is cool now and then, but no kissing until the wedding day, right? Kissing became fine for every once in awhile as soon as they had a guy that had stuck with them for a good bit. My friend and I were annoyed - how could this happen to our friends? The big questions were:

"What's become of their beliefs?"

In many instances, the great plans for purity were not just the girl's own personal hope - it was a family belief.

"Where are their fathers?"

"Where do you draw the line?"

We all know it - this topic is a controversial one. Everyone has their own idea of how a relationship should go while technically staying pure. But what have you done in your heart with this guy? Is this the knight you've been waiting for? Girls, flippant dating is DANGEROUS!

Now, I am not saying that men are a bad lot. I'm not saying that all those dudes are waiting in a corner to snatch you, and I'm definitely not saying that it's bad to be friends with a guy. I am friends with lots of guys and many are good friends! But how do we stay out of the dark waters that your girlfriends are taking a swim in?

I believe there is a simple answer - YOUR DAD. In fact, I think I'll be single forever for two reasons: First, if a guy's interested in me, he's probably a dork and hence not worth having forever. And second, even if he's got half a mind in there, he will not make it past my dad in one piece!:D Your dad can protect you from the scary flippant dating until your knight knocks on the door. And how will he know when it is him? Ummm... hey, it's Dad's job, not mine!:P But pray for your dad, that he will make the best decisions as you get older - unfortunately not like some dads I know. I'm sure happy I have a dad to run behind while sticking out my tongue at some unfortunate evildoer, if ever the need arises!

Oh yeah girls, and about this knight... if God wants you to be married, I promise he's out there somewhere. And he's worth waiting for! You don't have to settle for less.

While I'm Waiting

There's a lot of things going on right now that I am uncertain about. Mostly in the future. There are a lot of questions - what if I can't do this? What if I can't get a good enough grade on that? What if I mess everything up?

But yesterday Mom got the FIREPROOF soundtrack that she won in the mail. Of course I snatched it up instantly. If you've seen the movie, I'm sure you remember the great montage playing the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller.

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Why the Wait?

I've recently been thinking/praying about a certain something that just doesn't seem to be clear. There's no doubt it is from God, I just have no idea what he wants out of me about it! Rather strange... usually when I feel called to do something I know when I AM called to it and what to do to some extent. But this is just confusing! Today I read where all these army officers went up to Jeremiah and asked him to pray to God for them. They believed what he so blatantly proclaimed about being captives in Babylon, and asked, "Pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do." My thoughts exactly. Then it said, "Ten days later" the word from God came to Jeremiah on the subject. Ten days? Now, not that ten days is that much of a long time for us, but it seems like here, when Babylon is getting closer and closer and God spoke to people just in conversation, ten days is a wait!

Why the wait? To me, it seems like the sooner we have direction, the better we can carry things out! But I suppose God knows what he's doing, no matter how much it annoys us. But as it turned out, these guys that needed direction didn't obey the direction God gave them after this wait. It didn't fit in with their original plan, and they didn't trust that this was the best road to take, mostly because of their fear. Whatever God ends up asking of me, I want to do it! I don't want to back out just because it's out of my comfort zone, or unusual, or I feel like others won't support the idea, or because it's impossible. I want to do it! I want to get it done!

If you have a spare minute, please pray that I WON'T back out on... whatever it is, whatever happens. And maybe that God will hurry up and put me out of confusion!:P