Thoughts of Freedom and Sin

All have sinned and fallen short (by a long way) of the glory of God. We as Christians know this better than anyone else. But when we come to the LORD, we know that he sets us free, cleanses us, and makes us new. An amazing thing.

I am not like some, who had a horrible life before they came to the LORD, but I know this is the case for many. I can't put myself in their shoes of course, but it seems like being free and cleansed in Christ would be a whole different experience than it has been for me. I can't remember any heinous sins I committed before the age of four when I accepted Christ--my relationship with God has always kind of been there and been growing as time goes on. So I can't remember ever a time when I sinned and I didn't get a talk about it with the Holy Spirit. There have been MANY of those times and will be many more. I still get upset over my sin and get frustrated that it's still there--after all, I've been disrespectful since I was four, why does it go on? You know what I mean?

All that to lead up to this: my experience with sin is different than some of those who come to Christ later in life. Some have done horrible things that were detestable to God even before they knew him, and now that they do know him they are very upset about them. Let's say there was a guy who spent every day of his life for 3 years killing one person per day. After the daily murder, let's say he went on to a bank and robbed a different bank of at least $50,000 every day. Then we'll say that every day after these things, he sold all kinds of drugs to school kids and spent the rest of his night causing fights in bars.

All this every day. And then he came to Christ.

After he came to Christ, I guess he'd turn himself in to the law and get sent to prison for...I'd guess that should be about the rest of his life :) But all the while in prison he spends the whole time studying the word, talking to pastors, listening to tapes, becomes a really nice guy, and starts a ministry in the prison that converts several other prisoners to Christ. Now this man LOVES the LORD like crazy, and now he feels as awfully about his life as you or I would. Or worse.

What should his attitude be?

God says his grace and mercy are limitless, and this man would be just as much his child as I am. This much I know. His sin would be rendered powerless against God. But he still did it. It was all still committed. He could bemoan his past and all the things he did, constantly saying what a horrible person he was, and suffer in his dreams every night because of his past sin. He could resolve not to get into deep relationships with anyone because he wouldn't want to involve them in who he had been. If he did these things, I would not blame him in the least--it almost seems that he SHOULD think this way after all that sin! I think I probably would!

But here is what I've been thinking about...is this mindset, even in these circumstances, honoring to God? If God's power and grace are more powerful than this sin, is it right to dwell on your past, now that you are clean? CAN you or SHOULD you behave as a cleansed and righteous one? My gut says that if the LORD has freed you, you are free indeed, and can tell all with a clear conscience that you are the child of God that you are and not different than any other of God's saved ones. My gut says that dwelling in the past is insulting the blood of the Lamb, who has got rid of this past.

But something else (maybe it's my head) thinks that still bemoaning your past and your sin makes sense and is ok...we ARE supposed to grieve about our sin, and maybe if you had THAT MUCH sin than this would be an ok measure to take. Maybe I just think it makes sense because this is probably what I would do in the circumstances.

This probably sounded completely random, but it's what I've been thinking :) Any thoughts?