Monday, February 7, 2011

I should be studying for Typography test...

But the people I love don't love each other.
Or try to understand each other.
And I'm tired of explaining people to people.
Especially when they turn into vicious monsters of stubborn closed-mindedness every time.
So I'm resigned to letting themselves figure each other out.
But that makes me sad.
Cuz it effects a lot of people.
In a negative way.
School is complicated.
It's too cold to not be snowing outside.
And my 5-wearable-shirt lineup is getting old.
The car is busted.
And it's my fault.
And it's a lot of money.
And that busted my dream of Lasik surgery over the Summer.
I am sick of glasses.
But not as much as I can't touch my eye.
By the way my glasses busted too.
The cookie jar's busted.
And that one's not quite my fault, but no one saw, so it is anyway.
And I wear the cone of shame.
And am considering installing a kitchen in my room so I never have to come out or see a human for the next 3 months.
I haven't had a real Sunday night date in a month with no end in sight.
And my guy works our first Valentines Day.
And the day before that.
And the day before that.
And the day after that.
And the day after that.
And....probably the day after that.
All that to say, there won't prolly be no substitute Valentines Day for this chick.
Which stinks cuz she loved Valentines Day WAY before she had a man.
I wanna eat chocolate.
But I don't do that cuz I really don't want to.
But I still wanna.
And that makes me sad too.
And Satan is pulling the whole God-provides-what-you-need (aka food and air)-and-don't-care-bout-what-you-want trick.
And now it's late.
And that upsets me.
Guess I should go study.
That's upsetting.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I can.

I can't wait four years.
All there is to that.
But you know what?
The Holy Spirit says that it can wait 40 years if necessary.
And you know what else?
The Holy Spirit lives in me.
The end.
Now shut up you people.
I can.

Monday, January 3, 2011

"I have a bad feeling in my core about this."

This quote from my brothers' extrememly corny BIONICLE movie is currently true in my life. Even worse, its toward another human being.
It's not anybody who will likely be reading this, so don't go thinking whether it is you or not. But it's a very interesting bad feeling I've got going on.
It's not really resent.
It's not really jealousy.
It's not really pride.
It's not really annoyance.
It's not really anger.
I don't know what it is, I just know that it is an I'll feeling that does not belong in the heart of a child of Christ. I'm praying about it, and trying to think of some ways to change my thinking about this person. Any ideas?

Monday, August 2, 2010

Passed Over

We all know about the first passover spoken of in the book of Exodus.

Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.
~ Exodus 12:21-23

This time when I read the passage it leaped out at me--Jesus is my passover lamb. In this case in Exodus, the angel was coming to smite those who had done wrong. But God commanded the Israelites to put the blood of a lamb on their door so that they would not be killed along with the Egyptians. Think about it--even from that time, thousands of years before the Savior, God was giving signs for us. The Israelites would never even understand the significance of what they were doing at the time. Jesus's blood has protected us, God's chosen people, from being punished along with the unbelievers.

I have heard that before, but this time it really meant a lot to me. And here's the part I didn't notice. In Psalms 34:20 it says, "not one of His bones shall be broken" talking about Jesus. Then in Exodus 12:46 God says not to break any of the bones of the passover lamb. Whoa. Isn't it so amazing how God uses these things to speak to us, thousands of years later, just to remind us how mighty He is?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

God is my Helper

God is my everything.
God is all-powerful.
God is all-knowing.
God is always loving.
God is ready to give me His words.
God provides for my everyday life.
God gave me a wonderful family.
God gave me an amazing guy.
God gave me beautiful friends.
God always watches out for me.
God is always ready to help me obey Him.
God protects me from harm.
God gives me the little things that I don't even need.
God knows what I do need, and He's never left me without it.
God always loves me.
God always forgives me.
God sent His son for me.
God does not lose His temper.
God is always there for me
God always hears me when I talk to Him.
God always pays attention when I talk to Him.
God does not just ignore me.
God is faithful to tell me what is right.
God always wants the best for me.

So why then...

do I be selfish?
Why do I be disobedient?
Why do I forget to be grateful?
Why do I snork around when things don't go my way?
Why do I be impatient?
Why do I sin?
Why do I not pay attention to God like He pays attention to me?

What I do not want to do, I do.

LORD, help me always to be alert to You. Thank You for loving me.

Monday, July 12, 2010

When the Knight Finally Comes Part 2

Second post done! Here is the continued chronicle of the Great Efum Entrance...

One day Efum came over after church. We had fun talking, studying, playing around. Then he randomly said, I'll be right back, and went out with my dad for a minute. Needless to say, I was rather curious. They came back from the garage after about 5 minutes and I thought, "What could they possibly have talked about in that short a time?" After a little while Efum left to go home and eventually my parents casually sat down on the couch, where I was writing. I was sitting on the couch writing and Mom and Dad both sat down with me. Oh boy. Dad, being the good straight-to-the-point kinda dad he is, got straight to the point. “Well, Ethan asked today for permission to court you.” Before I could say anything we heard Laney scream from the bathroom and then she ran in with a huge smile on her face. My brain just emptied in shock. The parents asked me what I thought and I said I liked the idea of courting Efum. Daddy said he did too, and that he and Mom had been praying about him and had had their eye on him for awhile. Whoa! How neat I thought! We called his dad to schedule a date where we all could talk about it. “I just need to make sure his idea of courting is the same as ours” my dad said. I knew very well that he thought the same as we did about courtship--as a pure, lasting relationship that is not easily thrown aside. I knew my dad was prepared to give Ethan permission. And I think I was in shock, but it was a different kind of shock than I have previously experienced. Before this I would suffer lack of appetite and shakiness due to shock, but now it felt like my mind had just been wiped. It felt like walking out of the ACT. I had only one rational thought for two long days—that I knew I would court Efum. That God wanted that. For some reason I imagined God kind of doing the universal “I-know-something-and-I'm-not-gonna-say-anything-about-it” face. Trust me, I'd gotten to know that face REAL well that past month or so on God and several other people that had suspected Efum's intent. I really wanted to think or feel something--I wanted to be excited, or maybe ditzy--but my head just could not wrap my itself around what was happening...this had certainly never happened before.

Finally, two days later we were in the car on the way to Efum's house. I still wasn't able to think, though I knew very clearly what was going on and what I would be committing to. That was all God—emptying my brain, yet keeping necessary content intact. We pulled up to the house and Dad prayed in the car. It made me feel a little less jittery and nervousish. We got out and knocked on the door. The only thing I remember seeing at the time was Efum standing in the hall waiting for us. Mom, Dad, Efum, his parents and I all went and sat in the living room and small talked for awhile (I don't remember a single thing that was said then, my stomach was freaking out). After a short while, Efum and I were dismissed with his big brother Caesar so the parents could talk alone.  Then I talked with his wonderful parents while he spoke with mine (it was fun hearing each other's sides of the story at this part, even though the same thing happened). We talked about what we thought courtship was all about, and our views on marriage and commitment, etc. THEN....a knock at the door. *GASP* Butterflies invaded my whole insides and stayed there. Before I knew it I was outside walking beside Efum with our moms walking far enough behind to see, yet not hear. Efum said, "I've gotten permission from your dad, but I need to ask you you really want to court me?" Well YEAH!  I had waited my whole life to be asked that. I knew how special and important it was. I said, “yes, I'd love to”. I had finally met my knight. He had finally come for me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

When the Knight Finally Comes Part 1

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my knight came to sweep me off my feet! His name is Efum. My Efum to be exact. God sent him to me with a label and a pretty bow :) I have decided to tell the story in parts, as I had no idea I would ramble on so much when I first got started :) So, without further ado...

I have always wanted to be a Mommy. Ever since I was playing with dolls as a little tyke I wanted to have my own babies. I always wanted to get married. My sister and I would dress up and play wedding (the groom consisting usually of a boy doll or eventually our poor toddler brother). But of course, the true meaning of marriage was hidden beneath all the floofy, too-large play dresses in my six year old mind. I didn't even think about what getting married really was.

That changed as I started getting older of course. I eventually came to understand that marriage is a life commitment to someone--a covenant. A vow before the LORD to love, honor, and obey a special person with your whole heart, unconditionally, pleasing the LORD for your ENTIRE LIFE. Matthew 19:4-6 is what Jesus says on the subject..." 'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator "made them male and female," and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.' " Once two become one flesh, they cannot be separated without ripping apart. The movie FIREPROOF illustrates it with salt and pepper shakers glued together.

So, as far as waiting for that certain someone went, the Disney movies were enough to convince me that I did not want a prince. Some girls always talk about waiting for their "Prince Charming". I feel sorry for them—what is a prince but a rich and spoiled brat who has a lot of people to do his bidding, just because he can sing and can have any woman he wishes with a snap of the fingers? Sorry prince people—you aren't my type. Even as a little girl, I dreamed of one day belonging to a knight. A knight works and trains for the sole purpose of defending damsels in distress. I noticed that if knight wanted a lady he did not resort to singing and kissing her while she slept—he usually had to slay a dragon to save her or perhaps outwit an evil wizard. He worked for her. He won and earned her heart, he did not play with it using flowers or fancy music to wheedle her into loving him. He even wore awesome shiny armor and weapons, how great is THAT? Okay, so maybe my view of the prince species is pretty bleak, but my regard for knights was always so intense it made up for it! Even as a little girl I wanted to wait for the perfect knight to come and sweep me off my feet. I always sat wide-eyed during medieval history lessons.

One Christmas Eve when I was 14 I think, Daddy called me into the living room after bedtime hours. The coffee table had egg nog glasses and was decorated pretty with a tablecloth and candles. My parents and I sat down and talked about boys, purity, and the heart. I knew what it all meant—we had had the conversation before. I got my purity ring that night, when I gave my growing-up heart to my Daddy for safekeeping. I didn't think much about it being a difficult thing at all—eventually my knight would come, ask my daddy for my heart, Daddy would give it to him, happily ever after, the end. I went to bed that night as a happy little girl.

A year passed. I truly started growing up. I learned that it is impossible for dolls to keep their rightful place in a girl's heart. I learned that chocolate truly does positively influence a girl's hormones. I learned that mood swings were real. I learned whole new aspects of God. I grew closer to Him. I made amazing friends. I learned that boys get tall amazingly fast, and that girls get curvy. I also made a more unpleasant discovery...boys were, for the most part, total jerks! This puzzled me—how could any of these ever be true knights? What if knights really did not exist, as some said?

Then the move to Colorado when I was 15. Pain and suffering. Just about the worst year of my life. So many hard things about it for the whole family and it's a long story. It was in Colorado that I grew up (some of the way :) )and became who I am today. But one thing gnawed at the back of my mind for the whole almost three years that we lived there. “How could the LORD bring me a knight HERE?” As it turns out, not only is Denver very bad at producing men worthy of second notice, but it's apparently also incapable of producing men of marriageable age at all. Though that was simply a personal observation. I had guy friends in church who were all at least ten years older than I. I had guy friends in the homeschool group who were at least five years younger. Absolutely NOTHING in my age range at all. But actually, I did not mind. Every Meggy friend in both Arkansas and Colorado knew that Meg was the last chick to walk around needing a man. I knew it too. Sure I wanted a knight, but that was way far into the future. I wasn't thinking about it, though according to my Arkanesian sources, every teenage girl was getting a little too interested in the abundant supply of the opposite sex. I just rolled my eyes. Looking back, I see how fortunate I was that the LORD took me out of the company of any future suitors and put me in a place that was bereft of men. I was not even able to ever be tempted, but the whole time I was hearing of my friends' man experiences and learn everything I needed to know from safely across the country. I do not even want to know what the LORD must have saved me from, and I am so thankful and blessed for my time in Colorado.

Then we moved back. All right LORD. It's hard to move of course, and I would miss many things about Denver, but Arkansas was always home to me. But I wasn't sure then why we had moved there and then back again. I knew it was of God, but his logic remained a mystery to me.

Literally as soon as we returned, guys started showing slight interest in me. But thanks to the fact that I had been in a man-free place for a few years and studying (from a safe distance) the drama in man-central, I knew the drill by now. I had my excellent brother jump on their case and scare them all away with menacing glares in person and death threats on facebook. They left. Shabang, that was easy. As a side note ladies, if you don't have an older brother about you, improvise. Little ones are pretty handy as well for this kind of thing :)

Then a friend of mine offered an English and Creative Writing class (to this day I tell her that this whole thing is mostly her fault :P). My mom asked me if I wanted to take it and I loved the idea! In that class was a boy I had not seen for years, and had certainly never spoken to. I knew who he was from seeing him in his father's Hebrew class years before, and the same thing that happened then was now happening in this writing class years later—God was pointing him out. It was like the feeling of someone just randomly pointing at a person, slient and expressionless, leaving you somewhat confused about what is going on. I ignored it at first, but every week I felt it more and more. This quiet man with a beautiful smile, a silent laugh that warmed me right to the soul, soft and sweet brown eyes, and a passionate love for his Savior kept being brought to my attention. Finally I just threw up annoyed hands. “LORD...what are you wanting? You're just pointing and telling me nothing else! You've never done this before, what is the deal with You lately?” But no answer. I rolled my eyes and ignored it some more. Apparently I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't, or not doing anything I should do—God would have told me if that was the case. So I shrugged and put it away. Now I think God was trying to wait on His own timing, but couldn't stand the beautiful secret and wanted to give me a hint ;) One day my big sissy randomly told me that she heard that Efum wrote novels. “NO WAY!” Said I. “That's awesome!” Ever since moving back I had been without my writing buddy...I had been spoiled and now I was dying for another one. I asked Efum if I could read his stuff. He agreed and I delightedly read and critiqued his amazing first novel. He in turn read some of my things, encouraged me so generously, and helped me out in so many ways. We wrote a short story in a group together. We kept getting onto the same writing teams. Somehow we got to talking. He shared his testimony with me and I was blessed and amazed. He inspired me to love my Savior even more. Simply talking to him made me praise the LORD. Not to mention he made me laugh. I then figured that God must be pointing because He knew that Efum would be an amazing friend to me. People started telling me that he and I should get together, because we were a perfect match. I started getting teased, but didn't pay any attention. I knew that if he ever asked to court me I would agree because of his amazing character, but I was trying not to think of him that way.

How does this story end? Er, continue? Stay tuned my fans! More to come! :D